dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize