her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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