Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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