Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
