There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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