I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I hate all girls vehemently.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
