Me. At least after what I've been through.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
