So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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