I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
