DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
