Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
