im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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