don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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