I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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