I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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