summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
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