I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
