addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
