I think I won the penis lottery.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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