Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
