i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
