Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize