I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
