you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
