real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Tell her she can't have a vagina
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
