Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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