I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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