I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
