Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
