well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
