i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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