obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
