He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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