ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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