just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
