that's an acceptable place to lick
My cat gives me a boner
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
