I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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