what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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