We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
