I CAN MOONWALK!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
