there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize