I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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