imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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