i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
