somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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