I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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