The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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