I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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