Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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