i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
