she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
