i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize