I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
