if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
