My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
