The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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