I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize