Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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