Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
