i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
