I accidentally had phone sex last night
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
