It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
