I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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