Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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