why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Boobs are out for the taking
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
