Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
