By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
