I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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