Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
