two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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