I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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