my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
do herpes really smell.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
