Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
