she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
