Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so explain again why im purple
no
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
